Finally everything end. Having a long talk with boyfriend yesterday night, first time knowing that you have so much of dissatisfied in this relationship. As what I thought we just having different mindset on settling things and issue, but just on yesterday phone call, I finally know it. Maybe it's not just me feel aggrieved in this relationship. As my friend said I'm not that kind of person who will let myself to be upset and petty in a relationship, however, with you, because of love, I always give in.
1194 days; It's not that you can let go that easily. Just maybe I need some time to make it fade. It took up me some time to make myself calm down and when I think about it again, I wouldn't tear up so easily. Everything back to normal and no one's know how much I tear for this relationship. In this relationship, everyone told me that I really put in a lots of effort and try to be your perfect lover for my best to keep you stay with me and love me more. But yea.. no one knows how much grieved I have been suffered.
Every girls wish to have a guy who can make me happy and won't ignore me when I'm sad. Yes, you did love me deeply and I can feel that strongly, but every time I cry in the midnight were after our fight and that makes me think whether we are the one who suitable to go on for long. This might be one of the reason why our relationship has gone to this kind of situation. You always said why I wouldn't give you a chance to make changes, but did you know how I feel each time my friends told me not to do so when I'm trying my best to talk nicely to you and try to solve the problem with you? 失望是一次一次的被建立起来, it take me a lot time to do this decision to take this step. I always hope that we could stay sweet and happy for long and I did dream of our wedding, life of been together in future. Who knows, "accident" and future which one came first. I know you are try hard to make up for the mistake you have done to me, however, I'm tired now. I just want some "me time" and try to treat myself good and don't wanna to step into relationship again at least for now.
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Recently, I knew a guy from playing game. In the world of game, I might easily felt into the trap of I love to talk more towards stranger and his concern about what had happen to me easily make me feel he care about my feeling. But I know it just a short-lived feeling, and it might make me out of direction whether if I like him or just curious about the person. Somehow, in the past one month, I did share a lot with him about my boyfriend, about my curiosity. He also share about his ex and how he treat her. I could say that I might envy how he could do so much to his ex and how he still unable to forget about her even though they had broke up for months.
Maybe because of we talk for hours in the midnight, tell each others stories and experiences. I started to look forward for his messages and calls. But every time, I'm the one who started the conversation, and trying hard to find topic to continue our conversation. I might feel a bit tired right now, just wanna to move on, and move him out of my mind. So that I could not find excuse to look for him. If that's the right decision, I'm a nobody to him, then I would accept the outcomes. Let's everything back to normal. If he do have a little bit of different feeling towards me, I believe he definitely will look for me. Forasmuch, it's time for me to put away your humble heart and beg for others' attention. 不想再坚持主动，喜欢你的人会主动联系你。
I think that's all for now. See you guys next time. xoxo